As another night goes by, and as the computer screen flicks from on to off, I lay back and dream of you... The things I love; your quirky smile, your definite structure, and your all... I think of all your positive qualities. The bedroom lights come off now; I close my eyes and see nothing but darkness. And just like that, as I fall asleep, I am taken away from the prison of reality, and awoken to the exciting colors of the circus of our past.
I recall the circus; a place I wanted to always go when I was younger. But it always remained a figment of my imagination due to the negligence of my hopes and wants... And in this dream, I remembered our past, when you took me there for the very first time. I was stunned. I saw the electrifying hues of the event. Every color remains valiant and exquisite; from shimmery gold, to bright reds, to royal blues, and to deep purples.
I saw the clowns, the magicians, the tightrope walkers, jugglers, and unicyclists. All joined around, making the masses of crowds go wild. My eyes lit up at the fire, the fun, the love of passion around me. You brought me there, and you made my lifelong dream come true.
As we walk down the circus, passing and playing every single game we can find, Winning prizes together, holding each other close and kissing. You then turn to me and say you want to do something different with me. You say; you don’t want to see the jugglers, the clowns or the circus acts anymore.
I twist and turn in my sleep as you rearrange my dream.
You want something different. Something stimulating. Something spontaneous. Something evil. Something dark... As we walk further and further down. It gets darker and darker. The clowns vanish, the children’s laughter is fades away, and the cheerful circus music disappears. As you take me to a dark still tent, everything is silent. You leave me and I hear a piercing cheering sound. I wake up abruptly.
The lights flash on and I am in a grand tent. Masses of crowds of people are around me. Everyone’s eyes are on me. Waiting for my next move. I am the act. The center. The main appearance on the stage. Then I see you walking towards me. I get excited. I sit there eagerly, waiting for you to take me out of the hellhole you brought me to. But your shadow doesn't reflect you. It replicates a criminal atmosphere. It wasn't the person I went to the circus with. You step out of the darkness, and into the spotlight. The crowd goes wild. Your shadow becomes one with you when I turn and see you again. You don’t look the same. An evil alter ego stood before me, with a wicked grin. You step more towards me with your whip.
You are the lion tamer and I am the lion. I roar of fury as you hurt me over and over. You make a fool out of me. I roar of petrified rage that the audience can’t make out. They don’t see the strikes behind the coats and coats of fur you covered me with. I am trapped due to the chains of false hope and fabricated promises you bounded me with.
I ask myself when you will stop doing this. How long you will torture me with your embrace, punish me with your so called care, torment me with verbal abuse, plague me with your constant deceit, infect me with your physical aggression, suffocate me with the games you play and the lies you tell. Please be gentle with me dear tamer. For I am nothing but a lion that no one wants to hold, to love, like you used to.
I look up at the audience. And something peculiar stands out. I can see us in the midst of our past. They are watching me; you and me both. I see us together in the seats; laughing, Holding each other close and kissing like we used to. As the finale comes to par, you strike me one last time. The happy souls of our past that sat in the audience, dissolves now along with my hope and optimism. The seats are now replaced with my future soul of anguish and distress.