Creative Writing Journal for one of my classes. I feel that this will help me open up more... Aint nobody's business, Just me and this thing for the rest of the year...
Yearbook Photo Taking...
A beautiful ending....
Talent Show Rehearsal
After Talent Show Rehearsal Snack - Serious Munchies with Jessie and I !
This week seemed like a hell week. Every night I found myself coming home at 8 or later due to my activities whether it was cheerleading, musical auditions, or talent show dress rehearsals. But overall it was a good, and well cold week. I'm actually learning how to balance my time very well. I have made time for everything School, Piano, Homework and the activities. It's still a work in progress but I am getting better.
This week contained a sad end - whereas, my "breakup" with a guy I was talking to named Joseph. Despite the drama or whose fault it is, I'm glad both me and him were mature about it and ended it off on a good note. Me, I'm not sure how to react or to feel because the reason was the same as two other people I talked to in the midst of two years. (Reason; A sidehoe, another chick, drama started from another girl, ) I got so used to ending a "relationship" because of this reason, that I simply got used to it. The first time, I was heartbroken, the second time, I cried, the third time? No reaction... I know I cared a lot for him.... Am I not reacting because I knew it was going to happen or the fact that my heart is becoming solid to problems as so? I'm not too sure... But something is hitting me in my stomach or my heart as the days go by. Maybe I'm bottling my feelings inside without realizing it, because though he may feel bad about it, I have to look at this girl and see this girl everyday. So I cant be real with how I feel, I'm required to be strong about it. What would you do in this situation?
Finished up a poem though about it - About him about everything in general:
I'm suffering through these options, Should I just reassemble you?
Select another lover only if they resembled you...
Paint your every shade in the temples of their mental and
NEVER have you beat, using half an instrumental
I'm tuned into your words,
Printed ink replacing pencils so,
As I type it stains, and you're still trapped inside an intro that...
Never ends... It never ends
It's infinity, we're mimicking, It only just began,
Hook onto you and I'm sorry if it strains you but.
I need you to be real like demons need angels or
Hell needs evil, or
Heaven needs people who give from their souls
Or like Buddha's need sequels to life, and its beauty
This is me including,
Every opportunity to express the things you do to me,
Remoted when I scream, and it's muted
Hacked and Recomputed
Then skewed so drastically it's rendered useless by you... by you...
Nah, no forget it
(Musical Interlude Here)
Said forever and I meant it
Through sickness and blurred vision
Through time and intermission
Through harm and good intentions
Though triumphant, I'm submissive,
I've forsaken you,
If I died inside your arms, I would my find myself awake in you,
This is a song that I have cried to...
That I ... Lay my guard down - Then eternally died to
This... Is a song that makes me surrender
The only song that makes me remember
That there is , time in the clouds..
Falling with rain
Lightning bolts in my skin
Struck with the pain
There is ... Anger in my chest boiling like water on the stove
There is ... Fire that I hold,
That will... Burn into coal
Well I am... burning so slow... so slowly inside and it..
Won't be long till I... eternally die ...
And now I cry heed... I got need
All I want is to matter, to be seen
I don't.. Want anyone who will look at me visually
I want them to close their eyes and
See and feel the enemy but still want the soul within me
Run their fingers like hair flowing too fast to be ...
Captured in one grasp
wanna be taken in like divers
Equipped with both... Goggles and Masks...
Going UNDER for a minute, so I'm like the air
Got one chance
Got that last...
Second just to breathe
I want to be felt,
I want it to matter when I'm showing myself
And whats beneath the skin,
Claw your way through me as you...
Barricade yourself in me, I
Want you to see me for...
Who I am...
I realized that the more school activities i get into, the more far away I seem to be going from my friends... I feel very bad for it.. It sucks because they aren't as involved as I am, nor can i just drop everything just to hang out with them. I don't know what I can do here... What would you do?